Это был самый счастливый день в моей жизни. Мы с женой жили счастливо и дружно в небольшом городке

Наша жизнь тогда протекала в маленьком шахтерском городке. Мы с женой хорошо жили, дружно. У нас тогда было трое маленьких сыновей: 5,5 года, 3 года и 1,5. Я работал на шахте, а жена Юля сидела с детьми в декретном отпуске.

Все у нас было прекрасно. Но на всю жизнь мне запомнился один случай, который разрушил все мои убеждения относительно семейных обязанностей. Вот послушайте… В описываемый мною период нашей семейной жизни я считал, что шахтерский труд – самый тяжелый труд. Приходил домой с работы – дома чистота, уют, вкусный ужин, приветливая жена. Однажды, когда младшему сыночку было девять месяцев, я пришел с работы, а жена мне говорит:

— Юра, поноси Димку. Все руки оттянул, спина отнимается. Ну не ребенок – глина! Маленький, а такой тяжелый!

— Юлька! Да у тебя совесть есть? – возмутился я. Ты ведь целыми днями дома сидишь, в чистоте, в тепле. А я? Целый день в шахте. А у меня, по — твоему, ничего не отнимается? За смену так наломаешься, еле выползешь на белый свет. В такие щели приходится пролазить, куда и мышь не проскочит!

И вот, когда Димке исполнилось полтора года, почтальон принес телеграмму, в которой было следующее: «Умерла баба Нюра. Нужно распорядиться насчет хозяйства».

Ну, погоревали мы погоревали, да надо что-то решать. Тем более, что баба Нюра была человеком большой души. Она вырастила свою единственную внучку-сироту Юлю. Хотели вместе все ехать, но передумали – ехать далеко и добираться неудобно. Сами намучаемся и детей намаем. Зима, все-таки. Решили, что я останусь с детьми дома, а Юля поедет хоронить бабулю. На следующий день взял я на работе отгулы, а Юля собралась ехать в деревню.

— Ты когда вернешься? – спрашиваю.

— Постараюсь как можно скорее.

Поцеловались, и Юля уехала.

Остались мы с детьми. С самых первых минут я понял, что совершил большую ошибку, решив, что лучше мне остаться дома. Признаться, в душе я был поначалу даже рад. Думаю, до отпуска далеко, так хоть отдохну маленько.

Кое- как проваландавшись с детьми до обеда, накормив их, стал укладывать спать. Думаю, вот сейчас они уснут, и я храпану часок.
Ага, ага! Да ничего подобного! Смог уложить только среднего. А старший и младший и не думали спать. Ну, все же вечером они все уснули благополучно. И вдруг я вспомнил! Юлька же мне сказала, чтобы я обязательно с ними гулял на улице! Вот же я шляпа! Ладно, завтра обязательно пойдем гулять.

Утро было кошмарным. Надо ведь чем-то кормить шкалду. Младший еще, в основном, на молочной пище. Думаю, сейчас сварю им кашу. Сварил! Первая порция молока сбежала. Налил вторую, насыпал крупы. А сколько надо? Черт его знает! Насыпал на глаз. Из кастрюли начала лезть каша. Мое состояние может понять только тот человек, который читал бессмертное произведение Николая Носова «Мишкина каша». Но у меня получилось покруче – каша сгорела напрочь! Если, конечно эту вонючую, серую, в крапинку, массу, можно назвать кашей. У нормального человека просто язык не повернется! В квартире образовалось стойкое зловоние.

В результате я накрошил в молоко булочек и накормил детей. « Пошла она в жопу, эта поганая каша!» — с ненавистью подумал я о каше, точно это она была виновата, а не я.

Так! Надо идти на прогулку. Начал я одевать детей! Слава Богу, что старший уже сам одевается. Самое главное – выработать алгоритм одевания. Как лучше – сначала одеться самому, а потом детей, или сначала одеть детей, а потом самому одеться? Решил одевать детей по очереди. Старший – сам, среднего одеваю. Тоже без проблем : колготки, кофта, комбинезон, куртка, шапка, шерстяные носки, валенки, шапка, шарф – готово. Теперь младший остался. Так, начинаем в той же последовательности.

Вдруг средний говорит:

— А я писять хочу!

— Да ё-моё. Ты чего молчал раньше?

— А раньше я не хотел…

— Ладно, потерпи минутку. Сейчас, Диму одену.

Пока одевал Димку, да пока расстегивал среднему, Максу, куртку, комбинезон – произошла «катастрофия».

Да твою ж дивизию! Начал я среднего переодевать. Димка орет, как резаный.

Старший тоже заканючил:

— Мне жарко!

Наконец, оделись. И вот мы с коляской вышли на улицу. Боже мой! Это что же, каждый день такое издевательство будет? Нет, так я просто с ума сойду.

После прогулки пришли мы домой. Разделись. Я с изумлением смотрю на гору одежды: это что, все было на нас?! Господи, куда же это все девать? Ладно, потом разберемся. Дима начал капризничать, кушать захотел. Так, что ему дать? ( О старших я уже не думаю).

Кашу варить? От одной мысли о каше у меня чуть эпилепсия не началась. Нет, что угодно, только не каша. А что?.. Сварю картошку и сделаю пюре. Это вариант показался мне самым бескровным. Пока я готовил, с позволения сказать, пюре, в квартире стоял кошачий концерт. Младшие уже орали не своими голосами. А старший уже готов был присоединиться к ним. Ну, ладно. Накормил. А вечером чем кормить? Поставлю суп варить.

Вот уж суп-то я сварю. Пока варилось мясо, я решил малость передохнуть. Да и дети, к счастью, уснули.

Лёг я на диван – и провалился. Просыпаюсь от страшной вони. Блиннн! Из кастрюли выбежал бульон, плиту залил! Вот же я крокодил! Всю плиту загадил! Пока варился суп, дети проснулись. Накормил их так называемым супом. Слава Богу!

Знаете, я вообще реалист, но сейчас я поверил в барабашку. Откуда взялся этот бардак? Когда Юля уезжала, все было чисто, и везде был порядок. А сейчас что? Кто это устроил такой кошмар?

Ладно, уложу детей на ночь – приберусь. Жду не дождусь ночи. Наконец, наступило время укладывать детей. И вдруг вспомнил: их же еще искупать надо! Бляха муха! Ну, надо так надо. Налил в ванну воды, посади всех троих сразу. Вытащил. Вытер. Надел майки. И тут произошло такое, что я никогда не смогу забыть. Когда начал укладывать Димку, обнаружилось, что куда-то подевалась соска.

Вы когда-нибудь теряли соску? Я вам скажу, что если бы я потерял зарплату вместе с отпускными, я расстроился бы меньше! Димочка плачет слезами, смотрит мне в глаза и умоляюще просит:

— Сёсю дяй!

— Да детонька ты моя, да сейчас папа поищет. Да помогите же найти соску! – кричу старшим. А они уже и сами начали искать. Ну, провалилась и все! Время уже двенадцать ночи, а мы все ищем соску. Да и как же ее найдешь в таком бардаке?! Придумал!

Короче говоря, побежал я раздетый в соседний подъезд к Поповым. У них Маринка маленькая. Позвонил в дверь. Алька спрашивает, кто там.
— Аля, это я, Юра. Алечка, спаси! Дай, пожалуйста, какую-нибудь соску! Мы потеряли, и Дима плачет, уже опух весь от слёз!

— Ой, Юра! Да у нас одна соска, Маринка сосёт. Есть, правда старая, вся иссосанная, так ее могу дать.

— Давай, Алечка, скорее.

Подает она мне соску. А она уже слиплась от старости. «Ничего, — думаю, — ерунда!»

— Спасибо огромное! Помчался домой, зажав руке старую соску, как драгоценность. Прибежал – все трое орут не своими голосами. Испугались.
— Да всё, всё… Папа здесь. Не надо плакать, мои зайчата.

Вымыл соску, дал Димочке. Тот уже обессилел от слёз. Сразу успокоился и уснул. Старшие тоже сразу уснули.

И вот я стою в темноте посреди жуткого свинарника на коленях, смотрю в открытую форточку на самую яркую звезду Венеру и, со слезами на глазах, шепчу:

— Милый Бог! Я люблю тебя! Прости, что я не знаю ни одной молитвы. Но я тебе обещаю, я выучу. Мой любимый Бог! Умоляю! Сделай так, чтобы поскорее вернулась домой моя жена! Я больше не могу!

Лег, так и не вспомнив, что не ел сегодня. Как уснул – не заметил. Хотел ведь дома убраться. Утром проснулся и с ужасом подумал, что надо что-то готовить Димке. В комнатах и в прихожей – черт ногу сломит. В кухне, вообще, как будто Мамай прошел. Надо хоть немного убраться. Так… С чего же начать?..

И вдруг – звонок в дверь! Боюсь даже думать, кто это. Открываю дверь – Юлька! Юлечка! Юлёночек! Бог! Ты услышал меня! Благодарю тебя!
Зашла Юля домой, улыбается:

— Ну что, все живы?

Подошла на цыпочках к детям и поцеловала их по очереди.

А я просто обалдел от счастья! Спасён!

А Юля даже слова не сказала, увидев перед глазами такой потрясающий разгром. Начала убирать, попутно рассказывая, как съездила. Бабулю хорошо схоронили. Она оформила дарственную на дом. Дом сразу колхоз купил. Скотину соседи сразу раскупили. Привезла полные карманы денег. Все обошлось очень удачно.

— Юлечка, давай сегодня купим тридцать сосок. Разбросаем их по всем углам, чтобы куда ни глянешь – везде лежит соска.

Юля захохотала:

— Давай!

— Если бы ты сегодня не приехала, меня бы увезли в сумасшедший дом!

Это был самый счастливый день в моей жизни. И с этого дня я считаю, что шахтер – самая легкая профессия на земле!

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